Saturday, January 8, 2011

Didn't I just say that?

You know the saying, "Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus"? In this house lately it is proving to be true. We have been having such a rough go at it and by it, I mean staying connected.
He is working 60hr work weeks (god bless him), he's flat out exhausted and run down while still trying to be a Father and a Husband.

That said. It's not working!

I feel neglected, lonely and resentful. Which in turn, makes me grumpy, bitchy and hateful. (Those might all three be the same thing, but I was really trying to make my point.)
We bickered all morning, like every morning. First he can't get up. Then he wants to lay on the couch until he has to take a shower, then go to work again. When I make him be with the kids, he either gets mad because they aren't playing like he thinks they should or just doesn't want to play with them, because he thinks it's boring. It's like a never ending cycle.Do,do, be, be, try, try,please stay, please go.
I'm at home at all times with the kids, who are missing their Dad and asking questions like "why" and "when". He says I don't understand and I say he doesn't understand. Um, okay. Glad we made our points.

We've been together 10yrs + now and have had some really rough times. Miscarriage, job losses, Bella's disabilities, lack of funds (beyond lack), depression, crappy jobs,etc.etc.etc.

In the grand scheme of things are we really that much different then most couples out there?
Is it all about sticking it through no matter what? Or are the matter what's suppose to wake you up and realize that things need to change?

I have no idea. My parents split, with an ugly divorce, when I was six. Maybe my mind-set is already made up that single parents are what happens when two people marry then have kids. Isn't it always after the kids, that suddenly the couple that fell madly in love with each other start having problems?
Usually because one feels strongly over their life and the other feels strongly over their family?

When we first started dating, I can remember that we'd finish each others sentences or say the same thing at the same time.
Now, it's not so cute when he finishes my sentences and lately he repeats everything numerous times in the same day over the same thing, work.
If I bring up a past subject, he'll say 'when did you say that' or 'you never told me that'. Which leaves me raising my eyebrows and my hands to the air wondering where the heck he's been.

I realize I'm no angel, far from it. I'm not even trying to insinuate that. I guess, I'm just worked up over it and figured I'd try writing it down to see if it makes more sense. I think all it's done is make me feel bad. I really am trying to be understanding, but damn it's hard!

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