Monday, June 21, 2010

Clear as Mud

Another birthday party this weekend equals tears for Mom at night. You see it's these times when we are surrounded by "normal" kids does Bella's weaknesses really show.

Don't get me wrong, we know how blessed we are for the progress she has made and the journey she has traveled so far in her life, but when your child is sectioned by herself because she can't keep up or communicate or even play correctly with the other kids her age, it breaks my heart. And the older she becomes the more even she notices the differences between herself and the other kids, including her own brother. When faced with social outings such as birthday parties or trips to the Zoo, my outgoing social butterfly becomes a complete introvert and lives in her own world ignoring all things around her, usually wanting to seclude herself someplace quite and dark and if she is unable to find this place, she just craves movement. Constant walking, sucking on toys or crying uncontrollably.

So yes, I am so happy that my Daughter is lucky that she has learned to walk, run, swim, etc., but as her Mother I wish for her more. I wish she could talk sentences and ride her bike with her cousins and "see" the animals at the zoo. I wish for her that everything wouldn't have to be so challenging for her, like stepping off a curb or climbing stairs or that the smallest bump wouldn't cause a terrible bruise(s). I wish for her that she could be just a boring old normal four year old with struggles like learning how to tie her shoe, instead of having such difficulty with finger isolation, that at this point, it seems impossible to even slip the shoes on.

I wish and hope each day that my darling, endearing little girl doesn't become lost inside herself from the constant struggles she faces and that one day she is able to live a 'normal' life that she deserves and only becomes stronger from the trials that was so unfairly given to her.

Remi turned 2

Wow, March? Really that's the last time I wrote a blog. I write so many in my head throughout the day that I forget to actually sit down and write them on a computer. That's the next great invention, an internal recording device. Or maybe that's the same as a recorder, minus the internal part.

My little boy turned two on the 13Th. It's crazy how fast time can go by, yet I think about individual times or memories and remember them lasting so long. Like Remi not sleeping through the night until he was 9months old. That was the longest nine months of my life. Or his colic for the first 3months, that almost had my stuffing him back where he came from. Then I think about this last year in particular and how much he grew and changed each day. The first time he sang "Twinkle, twinkle" in the car or told me he "wooved me" or his obsession with yellow items; cars, bananas, clothes, toys,etc. Or just like this morning when we woke up his sister (tables turned-rarity)and he curled up to her and grabbed her arm to lay across his body and said, "Hi sissy". Boo-hoo I just wanted to freeze time right then and there.

Received news last week that Remi would start Preschool, two mornings a week, at his sister's school (CCVI) this fall as a sighted peer. It will be with the same teacher that Bella started with and for that I am super excited. I can't wait to watch him grow and change even more as he is introduced into a social setting.

My little man is so special, with his sweet brown eyes and happy-go-lucky nature, he is a joy to be around and brings smiles to my life every day.

To the Rem-Dog