Day 3

I was re-reading my previous post and realized the only thing I forgot to tell you guys was what underwear I was wearing, so I will try and not make these so lengthy and detailed. Then again, I always feel like one topic leads into another one and they all need to be explained. I guess I will get this blogging thing down before to long.

Man, day four at getting Bella to school and we were even earlier this morning. Almost so early that I felt bad for dropping her off before school official started. The only explanation is that Joe has started to help out getting the kids breakfast before he leaves for work in the morning. Such a little thing and what a big difference. That and I actually drug my body into the shower before seven (I hate mornings).
Meika was once again taken to the dog park after dropping Bella off at school. Remi and I were truly amazed that we had the coolest dog at the park (no offense doggies) and that she is the fastest dog by far. Like that somehow reflects directly onto me. Like oh yeah, you think she's fast, you should see me go.

After school my daughter had her bi-weekly transfusion appointment at the hospital. As I am running around trying to keep two very active kids quiet and cornered in a somewhat decent fashion that ol'feeling starts creeping in. The one that tells me what a bad mom I am and why can't I control them or why do I always feel so frazzled when I am by myself (am I actually sweating). My Mom makes a last minute visit to the hospital to lend a hand. And on one side it was a relief, but on the other side of the coin she has made it very clear that she doubts my ability in most anything, including parenting, marriage and finance.
She proceeds to correct Bella and Remi at every little action and I finally snapped at her saying, "I've got it, alright?". Then I feel like a total bitch and wonder why I feel the need to be so defensive with her.
By the time we have made it back to the car and headed home I am a total emotional wreak. Old Rachel would swing through BK and grab a yummy combo and devour every last morsel, but today I call Joe at work and have him do a quick calorie check on BK's website. Holy Crap. It is no wonder I was fat. A sandwich should not ever reach the 1000 calorie point. That's absurd.
So the new Rachel grabs a Grilled Chicken Salad from McDonald's and steer the car towards the house. One point for Mommy.

The rest of the afternoon goes pretty much without a hitch.
Went to a small Farmer's Market to shop for some fresh fruit and veggies. Steal on sweet potatoes($.75 per lb), Rip off on Apples. $4.50 for 4 apples. They better be the most delicious apples in the entire world.

Made a super dinner of skillet fish fillets and a veggie stir-fry with a few spaghetti noodles thrown in mainly for the kids (they love noodles) seasoned with season salt, ginger, garlic, pepper and a dash of soy sauce. The fish was amazing. Striped pangasius~ never heard of it before, but I swear it tasted like bass and was on sale. I only buy fish that is on sale. ha So we usually eat something different all the time. I love when the shrimp is on sale, four bags of shrimp for me. Holler!

The kids were dying to take a walk tonight, in fact Bella was crying the entire meal waiting for a walk she didn't think would ever happen. So now here's my issue. 7pm is to late to take two walks (one for us/one for the kids) so we let the kids win and take them around the loop. I had Remington while Joe had Meika and Bella. They do a much faster pace then Mr.Small britches.
It was a beautiful night and the neighborhood animals just love to come and visit us while we stroll by, but I truly doubt it burns very many calories or prepares for a marathon.
The good news to this is that I feel like we have and will continue to set great examples for our kids with food choices and exercise, so I guess that should be the big picture here.

The kids are down to sleep and we have a DVR waiting for us downstairs with the "Biggest Loser" on it. I am excited to start a new season and one that we are not saying, "man I could totally win this show" or "let's start a diet with them and see how we do" or "next Monday, that's it, no more" as we eat our Ben and Jerry's ice cream and wish for a smaller waist. No this season we will be watching from the other side. The I did it and so can you side. Whoohoo baby.

Until tomorrow.
Day3 lesson ~ breathe in, breathe out, smile. We can choose to break the cycle at anytime with a little help, from our own will. DVR's are wonderful inventions.

Day 1

I have decided to start blogging daily like Sean . What about? I'm not sure yet. I just feel like there is so much inside of me right now that if I don't get it out I am going to drown in my own thoughts.
I figure this will be about weight loss, marathon training, being a mom, being a woman and just plan being. It may be boring and sometimes depressing or funny, but since I only have one follower at this time (thanks honey) I shouldn't bore to many people.

First off, yes I am still struggling with weight loss. I wrote my last blog with only 10 more pounds to go and now on this date we might make it close to 15 pounds. What is going on? I am so depressed over our financial situation that I am once again turning to food for my comfort. Oh, we have no money to go to the store, but I will swing by and grab a giant helping of burger and fries please with a diet coke. ha I am now one of those people. "Yes, I need a number 5 combo with a diet coke. "
So, help me God. I refuse to be held down any longer by this weight...so more to come on this subject I'm sure. As for today, I made a poor lunch choice at Panda Express after not eating enough for breakfast this morning and a starving stomach and screaming children lead my car in their direction. Squeaky brakes and all. (my brakes started squeaky last week and 'I don't do cars' so they will just keep squeaking until Joe takes them in to have them fixed or my Mom catches wind of them and offers to fix them since she is a mechanic at heart) For now, I just try and swing in the parking spaces with as little braking as possible. Good thing the kids are buckled in!

Marathon~ Yep, I wrote it out and now it will be forever haunting me to bring this goal around to being true. Joe has been talking Tri's for sometime and I never had the urge to do that with him, but I received an email from the Kansas City Marathon in October (why, I don't know) but as I am looking all around the site I just kept getting more excited and more excited. So, I'm gonna do it. Not this years, I'm not that dislusional, but 2010. So that gives me a year to train for it (hence why this is called day 1). I know nothing about running distance even back in school when we had to do distance I hated it with a capital H, but Joe and I have been running the last couple of months close to 2 miles a night and minus the giant hill, I do pretty well and just stop because we are back at home and our route is completed.
I have a new running buddy, Meika, the Boxador(no longer) homeless dog with boundless energy, so I am going to take advantage of her and use her to train with.
Sometime next spring I will try for a half-marathon and see where I am at physically and will try and sign up for every 5k, benefit race KC offers to keep me going and steady.
Enough about that for now.

As for being a Mom and a woman. Super depressed. Not sure really what is going on. I feel exhausted, cranky and just down in the dumps. Messed my neck up carrying Bella a few weekends ago and even after visiting the chiropractor (which could not get me in without consequent visits) is still killing me and causing these giant headaches everyday.
We have no extra money to go to a different chiropractor that was recommended to me by a friend and he of course is not in our network for insurance so he would be extra. So that is frustrating that he seems just beyond my reach and yet I need him so much.

I finally had a hair cut a few weekends back (same day as the bad back deal). I went to a new place, which was no where near as nice as I'm used to (huge salon snob with no money for huge salon prices) but after only paying $40 instead of $80 I was feeling pretty good about it. She didn't do "messed up, piecey cropped bob" that I asked for, but at least I didn't have mis-matched sides. Been there done that. I didn't allow her to color my hair, even though my sparkles(grays) were showing something terrible, thinking I could save even more money if I just used the at home dye that was sitting under my sink.
Yep, I read the date and everything on the box before I began and hadn't realized how old it was, but what could it hurt?
Well, now that I have different degrees of black to my hair and it looks like I'm trying to impression a vampire, I now realize how important that expiration date might have been.
It will fade...eventually.

So with my attitude, dark drabby hair, and scarce funds, the whole woman, mommy thing is taking a pretty hard hit. Not to mention the few extra pounds I have allowed to slip back on.

Day 1 to begin a new chapter.