Monday, June 21, 2010

Clear as Mud

Another birthday party this weekend equals tears for Mom at night. You see it's these times when we are surrounded by "normal" kids does Bella's weaknesses really show.

Don't get me wrong, we know how blessed we are for the progress she has made and the journey she has traveled so far in her life, but when your child is sectioned by herself because she can't keep up or communicate or even play correctly with the other kids her age, it breaks my heart. And the older she becomes the more even she notices the differences between herself and the other kids, including her own brother. When faced with social outings such as birthday parties or trips to the Zoo, my outgoing social butterfly becomes a complete introvert and lives in her own world ignoring all things around her, usually wanting to seclude herself someplace quite and dark and if she is unable to find this place, she just craves movement. Constant walking, sucking on toys or crying uncontrollably.

So yes, I am so happy that my Daughter is lucky that she has learned to walk, run, swim, etc., but as her Mother I wish for her more. I wish she could talk sentences and ride her bike with her cousins and "see" the animals at the zoo. I wish for her that everything wouldn't have to be so challenging for her, like stepping off a curb or climbing stairs or that the smallest bump wouldn't cause a terrible bruise(s). I wish for her that she could be just a boring old normal four year old with struggles like learning how to tie her shoe, instead of having such difficulty with finger isolation, that at this point, it seems impossible to even slip the shoes on.

I wish and hope each day that my darling, endearing little girl doesn't become lost inside herself from the constant struggles she faces and that one day she is able to live a 'normal' life that she deserves and only becomes stronger from the trials that was so unfairly given to her.

1 comment:

  1. I too wish for these things, every single day. I cannot even imagine what she goes through on a constant basis and it is in a word...heartbreaking. She has come so very far, and is so amazing, and I hope one day that she can find that sense of normalcy. She, like all of us, is very lucky to have you in her life.