99%

June 2008



The subject of another baby has come up before, in fact, it has been consuming my thoughts since Joe proposed the idea early this past summer.

Am I crazy?
Can I handle it?
Wonder if it would be a boy or girl?
Remi needs a play buddy.
Can we afford it?
Third kid means staying with the mini van instead of the cute car I would rather have.
Baby feet.
I should lose more weight before another pregnancy.
I should run a marathon this year.
Soft wispy hair against my lips.

I know, so wishy-washy. I worry that this moment in time may never come again. Will I regret the decisions I have made, based on circumstances that are beyond my control.
Having a third is tough, but having a third when you already have one that consumes you so wholly, will be extremely difficult.
Then I start to think about the future and not just mine, but Remi and Bella's too. Siblings are always there for each other no matter the differences. What happens when Joe and I are gone? Who will take care of Bella? Should this be placed on his shoulders alone?

On and on and on I could go with my thoughts.

So sitting today in Bella's room with the sunshine glistening through the window warming my legs (and obviously my ovaries), I turned to Joe and said.

"I want another baby. At least I'm 99% sure."