Venting!

Spring break next week for the kids? Yikes, forgot. What shall we do with ourselves??? Hopefully the weather decides if "spring warm" should be something it should test out or not. That's my vote anyways. I still don't always feel like I've mastered the art of parenting to two children. Maybe frazzled and sweaty is something that is a normal feeling and someone just forgot to clue me into this. Because I swear, take the kids into a store and no matter how calm I am or they are, we usually leave with someone mad, someone crying and someone feeling worn-out. You can guess who is who on each emotion.

Saint Patty's Day Parade at Bella's school. Guess who forgot to dress their little girl in green today? Yep, me! And I love Saint Patrick's Day. Since I'm 'mostly' Irish, you'd think I'd be all for this one and place it right up there with the other important ones; like birthdays and Christmas. Oh well, there is always next year.

Can't seem to find the energy for the gym!? Trolley Run is coming quickly (7weeks) and I am in sad, sad shape. Did I mention that I've signed up to run? Holy Sh*t!!!
Went to the gym Monday and ran pretty well for 2miles stopping only for a tenth of a mile to catch my breath, but then skipped last night due to bad mood. What? Bad mood, really?
Then here's the real kicker. Joe has been going to the gym in the mornings waking up at 5:30.
(Read: I'm a grouchy bear don't make a sound or I'll bite your head off 5:30am. I can be such a total B sometimes, mornings mostly.)
Anyways, he gets home this morning and climbs back in bed to tell me that he ran 3 miles straight without stopping and at a 5.5 clip. His personal best. I really was happy for him, but also jealous. Jealous? It's like a secret competition between us that we don't speak of, but both know that it lies there like sour milk only with chocolate bunny sprinkles* added to it to make taste a little sweeter. Maybe competition is okay to have among spouses, but jealousy? Not so much. I hated that he reached this mark before me. I hated that I didn't go to the gym last night and instead feasted on Popeyes Chicken for dinner topped off with Andy Caps fries while watching the dvr'd show, Biggest Loser

*Nestle Quik-Remi calls it "BunBun", which is his yellow bunny that he adores.

Looking for my motivation to eat well!? I think it found a super hiding spot and is not showing itself...Like a game of Marco Polo. Only when I scream "Marco" it never screams "Polo".
You get my drift.
Each week I arm the kitchen with only good food and have great hopes of "getting back to it", but somewhere around day two or three of healthy eating, I slip then start thinking "ah, what the hell, there is always tomorrow". I know nutty, yet it somehow makes since at the time.
I've went from 10 pounds to go until my goal to now 20 pounds. Yikes. And if I'm honest with myself and the numbers, I should probably adjust my goal to make it read thirty pounds to go until healthy weight is reached. I figure I'll play that trick on my mind when I'm in closer range of reaching the first goal.
I hate to say this, but I do believe I am setting myself up to fail before I have ever allowed myself to succeed. We have all watched enough Biggest Loser's, Jillian, to know that there is emotional issues playing into this and for the life of me, I swear I cannot figure out why I am doing this.

Thinking of hiring a personal trainer!? Still thinking on this one. I have this gym fear. I get all reserved once my time is up on the treadmill. Like, "well, now what?" I look around and at our gym it is 95% men and 2% fit women with the remainder (myself included) falling into a category that would probably be described as the Tries Hard group. You know the ones that seem to give it all they've got, but for some reason unknown by all, they just never seem to change their god-giving body shapes.
So maybe if I had scheduled appointments set with a trainer that would push and punish and make me accountable, this would help me turn a corner. Then again, it could just be a really expensive letdown?!?

More to come...