Longest blog in history and catching up

I would almost argue with this blog thingy that it has been since October since my last post. Really? Where has the time gone?
The holidays have all come and gone and we made many new memories to store away in that little compartment I call a brain.

The kids were little blue monsters for Halloween. Which was adorable, yet very fitting for the two of them. (Here is a picture of them on Halloween at the KC Zoo)
Joe had to work Halloween night at his second job so I attempted to take the kids trick-or-treating all by myself. We armed ourselves with bags and flashlights (Thomas the train choo-choo light) and headed out after dark. At first both of them were a little thrown by the night-time activity, but as we walked and saw more children dressed up and walking with us, they quickly got into the spirit.
Remi was adorable with his train flashlight and almost used it like his security blanket. Every time someone or something would happen or come along that he was unsure of, he would click it on to hear the train whistle blow and that would seem to soothe him enough to carry on. Did I mention that he carried this important flashlight backwards the whole way. What I would've given for a picture of us walking from behind.

Bella was all about ringing the doorbells and saying (signing) "thank you" for her candy. It was a pretty slow moving walk since each house in our neighborhood has several stairs leading up to the front doors, but she was such a trooper. We made it all the way around our block and finished the night by answering our own door and re-passing out the candy we had just collected. The kids were so excited to hand out candy to the monsters/vampires/football players, etc that they didn't realize their evil Mom was giving away the huge stash of candy which they had just earned.
The kids and I ended the night by eating a piece of candy and going to bed (or at least they went to bed), I waited up on Joe to get home so I could tell him every little detail and moment that he missed out on. And I might have cried a little on his shoulder because it was so sad that he missed such a fun night and we will never have it to do over again. Those memories that the kids and I made are just my memories, they are too young to remember and Joe wasn't home and that just doesn't seem right.



Thanksgiving- Um, yeah. Pretty sure we just ate our way around the different houses and moved right on passed this one. I know, us and the rest of America, but this holiday seems to be waning in it's popularity. Joe says its his favorite holiday. Read; he loves pumpkin pie.

All I can ever think about with Thanksgiving is back in 2001. After we had finished stuffing ourselves full of turkey at the Riddell household, walking into the front room where my then sweet dog, Angel and our new little puppy Diablo, were stuffing a little turkey in their own way. Two months later we were "blessed" with two cute bundles we named Missy and Minnie. Missy and Minnie will turn 8 years old Jan. 21 (Thursday). Wow, did I mention how fast time has went? Yes, I think I did.



Bella turned four at the first of December (12-4). We had a big birthday party. Read; family and only one special friend from school, but with family alone this house is busting at the seams. Bella loved ripping into each gift and then tossing them aside so she could open the next. Pretty typical behavior for a four year old, I love when I can say that about her.
I could get all mushy and tell you about her gains this year and even from birth from what they expected, to what actually transpired and is still progressing, but I will save that for another day. I would hate to make this the longest blog in the history of blogs. So we will just move on...



Christmas was so fun this year!!! The kids were both super excited (or maybe they just fed from my excitement) and we filled each day with something fun and special to mark this holiday. We baked cookies (a few times), made popcorn balls, went shopping, visited with Santa, sang songs, took pictures. You get the idea. ha We had our first white Christmas since forever and white it was. It started snowing Christmas eve and didn't stop for days. I think we ended up with 12 inches with another several inches after that. It was pretty and perfect, but too dang cold for us to play in it, which kind of defeats the purpose of snow.

Bella's favorite Christmas song this year (which you would've heard on my voice mail if you called me anytime during this season) was "Jingle Bells". It all started one night when I was doing dishes singing away, not really paying any attention when I noticed Bella was chiming in on the side lines of the song. "Laughing all the way..." she would chuckle. "Jingle all the way..." and she would yell, "HEY". So we ended up singing this song a lot, which was perfect in the end because it was also one of the songs they sang for their school program.
Which speaking of school program. Bella was awesome and amazing this night. Sometimes you may hear a Mother speak about their disabled child as having a great day or an "on day". These are days where the kid is just doing things that may be hard for them normally or it may even be difficult to remember what the disability even is on these days.
This was an "on day" for Bella. She hopped right up there with the rest of the kids, singing, clapping, signing and laughing instead of being overwhelmed or overstimulated, like she has been in the past. I was so happy and excited and weeping all in the same moment.
I love when God blesses us with small moments like these. It gives me hope and encouragement for the future...

Remington was a hoot all around. He loved touching the untouchable ornaments, singing to a Big Bird ornament that hung at eye level. He looked too adorable for words in his Christmas best. He loved to beg for more Christmas stories at bedtime as soon as we had finished with one. He was interested and scared to death at the same time of Santa Clause, never making it to his lap for a picture.
He helped pass out presents to everyone before ripping into his own and yelling, "elmo", "choo-choo", and "arrrarr" for his dog book, perfectly happy playing for hours with his new toys.
Seeing him act and react makes me understand why Christmas is so special for children and feel blessed that we were able to give them a very merry Christmas this year, something that has been very tough for the last few years past.

This holiday season really had me feeling the *tug for a bigger family...more on that to come.

*you know that heavy heart feeling you get when you see or hold a baby or watch your own children accomplish something new or maybe as you are folding outgrown clothes to give away. If you are a woman, you know that tug. Or maybe I'm just loony and Joe should slip me a little birth control in my wine every night...



So that pretty much catches us up to the Now. I am going to try and post more frequently and see if it helps to write it out. And by "it", I mean stress and daily grind, parenting bull-whoohee.

~R

Been fighting a cold all week, kids too. Had a scare in Bella's preschool class over swine flu. Yikes! We've had the flu shot, but not the H1N1 shot yet. So far looks like a scare is all it is going to be.

Preschool put on a play today about the three little pigs and the big bad wolf, except there were more than three pigs and the big bad wolf is a real sweet-heart. Bella was a pig. We had worked on shaky her head "no" after the wolf was suppose to knock on the door, but yet when it came time today her fingers were stuffed in the mouth and participation was limited. Not sure if this is an age thing or a disabled thing. Maybe a little of both.

After Bella's transfusion at the hospital did some finagling around vehicles with my Mom and I stayed at the hospital to visit with one of Bella's classmates and his family that was in the ER. Now, we've had our fair share of ER visits, but that doesn't make it any easier when you walk into the room and the little kiddo is laying there without being his usual happy self.
Felt out of place, but yet right where I needed to be.
It's funny how people can come in and out of your lives and touch us so deeply without ever knowing so.

Did anyone read the article on CNN about the woman who only used half her brain and was doing amazing? I posted it on facebook and only did so because I couldn't believe what I had read and wanted to share with everyone. Joe and I sometimes will spend nights talking about Bella and how much she is affected in daily rituals that so many take for advantage and I usually end up crying and worrying about her future and what it will hold for her, but this article gave me so much hope. I just wanted to reach through the computer and give that girl a big hug for being such an inspiration and for sharing her story.

Did the bedtime thing by myself tonight with the kids since Joe is working at his second job for the next 5 nights in a row. Kind of got to me when I kissed him goodbye. I might have got a little teary-eyed and I might have hung on to the hug a tad long. I just don't understand where we went wrong in life. Why can he not find the "job"? We are down to bare bones here and we still are struggling. I know we are not alone in this fight, but man, as you are living it, it sure feels like a lonely road.

Well, I think on nights like these when I can just rattle on forever it is best to cut rope and go home.
So goodnight till we meet again.

Day Whatever.

Well, so much for the daily blogging. How do you keep up Sean Anderson? Might try for a weekly blog and see if I can commit to that.
I think I purposefully have not been writing because I have been so upset with myself and how I have been acting. Yuck and double yuck. I have been acting like I'm a sole mission to replace all this weight lost in one week and my moods have been gutter-like to match.

Today I have made a re-re-commitment to myself to try and do better. That's right there are really two Re's to the commitment. The weather has been perfect for running, yet I haven't run for a week. I have healthy food stocked in my fridge, but still order out. And the new size 6 jeans I had to buy are now too snug to fit, unless the muffin-top would come back in style. Yep, time to recommit to myself.

So far so good for the day. Even with Bella waking up at 5:30am to start the day, which usually makes me grumpy and the dogs going rounds with each other, managed not to compensate with a burger and fry for lunch.
So I need to plan for dinner before the day gets much later because this is my downfall. Oops it's 6pm and I have nothing fixed. Pizza it is! Not today...


On another note, Joe started his weekend job this past weekend and it wasn't that terrible for either one of us. Okay so Friday night was no biggie. I was reading my book and was so engrossed that the time flew by before I realized it was time for him to be home. Saturday was a little different. We had fought all day about kids and money which left me drained and wanting some peace, but once the kids were asleep I was so pent up that I couldn't seem to concentrate on any one thing in particular. Watched a movie, read through my emails, searched houses in Washington, stayed up until he got home at midnight. Ugh! With children that never sleep in, this will not be a great habit to form.

Hoping today brings great news on the Home front for his job search, but since I can't find my cell phone for the life of me, I'll just have to wait until he gets home tonight. Which makes the saying, no news is good news. Right?

Day 10

Had a pretty good day 10. Rounded the week of school out for Bella and spent the morning with a few of my new Mommy friends. One of them, Samantha, brought me two giant bags of clothes that her son had grown out of and thought maybe Remington would fit in them. Jackpot!

Went to Starbucks with her for non-fat sugar-free lattes and found a low-fat raspberry muffin for Remington, little did he know he shared with the two of us also. Not sure how low-fat it was, (guess I could look it up-not really sure I care) but it was delicious.
Spent the morning walking around Loose Park. They have a beautiful rose garden. Samantha actually said it reminded her of her trip to Italy. I'd go for that. So peaceful and serene. I wished I would've had my camera. Remington was totally digging on the roses and would stop and smell or touch each bloom and then tight walked around a fountain without falling. So cute, missed moment to share. This is the same park Joe and I had our engagement pictures taken almost 8 years ago to this date. October 14, 2001. That's for you honey. I never forget a date.

Once we got back to school and was waiting for our kiddos to finish up. Conversation headed to a marathon, since one of the moms had a KC Marathon shirt on (2007). Ended up not being her shirt, but after talking with everyone and telling them my plans, they all wanted to start walking/running with me in the morning of school. I was so excited. We are all in such different areas of fitness, so we may have to start out slow, but that is what makes a year to train kind of nice. Also this walk/run with the mommies does not have to be my main training, it could simply just be my reconnecting time with adult conversation, while burning calories.

Ran around the rest of the afternoon. Went to my Mom's house, Walked around the mall, let the kids play in the soft play area, checked on the puppies and birds at the pet store.

Pretty good day overall I'd say. The weather right now is perfect!!!! Cool mornings in the 50's then slight warm up to mid 70's. Perfect!

Day 10 Lesson~ You never know what dream you might share with others until you share your own dream out loud.
Puppies make me smile and feel very maternal, even if we are at our max capacity of animals in the house!

Day 9

Not much to write about today. Finding it hard to write about my life and not always sound so mopey. Nobody likes mopey. I was looking for inspiration to hit me tonight while reading quickly through some blogs and of course went to one of my favorites first, Prior Fat Girl-Jen. I started reading her blog right after her loss of her Mother and my Husband said, "you should check out this blogger, I swear it was you writing or you guys could be best friends."
Isn't that funny? Never met, Jen or even know that much about her and I swear Joe is right. We could be best friends. And her troubles, emotions, sadness, happiness, I feel and understand.
Anyways...she had a link to a new lady tonight, Lindsay. I click over to her and I think. Wow, this lady is right on. I agree 100% that this diet thing and exercise plans are only fun and inspiring the first 2 weeks, if that. Then what? Well, I guess that's why all of us fatty's are finding each other on the world wide web. Sister's of the Fat Pants. Or in a lot of our cases, previous fat pants, who still struggle everyday like we still have those size 14's on.

So thanks guys for making me realize that I'm not the only one out there that struggles and honestly, best wishes to all of you on the best choices each and everyday in reaching our so common goal.

Now, I am going to go downstairs with my honey, curl up on the couch and watch a little Biggest Loser tonight. Go Green team!!!

Day 9 Lesson~ You can't beat a good book that makes you feel like you are the main character.
Marshall's is the best place to buy kids shoes ($12.99 for Carters).
No matter what the scale weighs you in at, it all depends about what is between your ears to how it makes you feel.

Day 8

Remington, 15 months, Sept 09'

What a shitty day. Pardon my french.

Joe had to leave for work at 6am this morning which meant the dogs went ape in there cages at 6:15 thinking we forgot to let them out to pee which in turn woke Bella up. I convinced her to crawl in bed and cuddle for a few minutes before she was up and running around. One giant sigh and I was up too.
Good news I got Bella to school 10minutes early. Only to grab a speeding ticket on the way home. 55 in a 45. I gave my saddest face possible and he just informed me to go slow and drive safe. I said "Thank you." Why did I say 'thank you'? I don't know, my Mom taught me to be polite (or hide my feelings) cause I really wanted to beg and scream at him that the other cars were going just as fast, if not faster than I was, why did I have to get the ticket and thanks a million sir, cause my husband is going to kill me now. Not sure how many tickets you can have before they take your license away. Might want to check on that one.

Regardless of this setback in my day, I did not fudge on the eating. Not even at a place called "RED X" (some half-price grocery store that my Mom took me to today). The bargains were a plentiful and the fried food was out the wazoo. Fried Catfish (one of my faves), fried chicken, fried potatoes, fried whatever...I resisted the urge many times over as we shopped and even in the check out lanes as my Mom was telling me how delicious the food used to be when she'd stop in on her way to work.

Turns out Joe didn't kill me, probably because he had his second interview today and was offered a part-time job (the angels are singing hallelujah) on the weekends.
He just said, "We all make mistakes." Which was still hard enough for me to swallow. I don't make mistakes...that's the part of my personality that comes straight from the Mason side, I try and keep this evil side of me squished deep down because I know it isn't pretty nor is it right.

Still fighting with Bella to go to sleep tonight. We are in the stage where she gets up and out of bed over and over again until she finally gives up. Pretty frustrating phase. It is a phase right???

Day 8 lesson~when your first task in the morning is cleaning up dog poop you could probably bet on what the rest of the day will look like.
You know you are no longer the hot young girl when you can't cry or flirt your way out of a speeding ticket.
You realize that you are excited not that your husband got a second job but where he got his second job to how much food rules your thinking. Mmmm, Bucca di Beppo.

Day6 & Day 7

I know, I know. I haven't quit ya before I have even begun ya. The day honestly slipped by me yesterday without me making time for this blog.
Didn't miss much. Made pretty good choices all day. Even turned down the offer of cheeseburger and fries or Chinese food for lunch. That's big for me. Then had a small, reoccurring fight with Joe over football (and hanging pictures) and that's all it took, dinner was pad Thai chicken and shrimp. Now here is where I'd like to write how it tasted so wonderful and made me feel so much better, but it didn't. In fact, they messed up the order and forgot the "spicy" part, which makes Thai food so wonderful and I ate the whole order which should probably be enough for three people. So I was left kind of mopey and grumpy.

Onto day 7

Started the day with my Mother ringing the doorbell way before she really was needed, bringing in bags of McDonald's breakfast for me and the kids. Been "dieting" since March and she still doesn't seem to get it. I risked upsetting her by turning down the food and had a bowl of Kashi, a banana with skim milk. My go-to choice for breakfast during the week, but man did that sausage mcskillet burrito sound so much better. (found out later Meika the dog helped herself to the burrito on top of the stove when she wasn't looking-thanks, Meika for saving me a few thousand calories)
I left Remington with my Mom (hence why she was over so early) and took Bella to school. I stayed for membership mailings with the Board.
*I recently was asked to be Parent Group Liaison for CCVI Friends Board, which I happily accepted. CCVI (Children's Center for the Visually Impaired) is my daughters school which she attends four days a week and is currently in Preschool 2 with Miss. Kitty. This school has been our saving grace for not only our daughter, but also us as parents of a visually impaired child.

Lunch was back at home. Good choice. I made tuna salad (eggs,tuna, pickle relish, light olive oil mayonnaise) yesterday to have for this week and it was so yummy and fresh tasting that I piled it on my 100% whole wheat bread like there was no tomorrow.

Dinner was turkey burgers, no bread, no-fat cottage cheese and baked sweet potato fries (olive oil, salt, pepper 375 oven for 45 min.) I resisted the urge to have seconds.

I ran to the store tonight to buy a few things and as I driving there I started thinking about what I could sneak in without really cheating, but then I realized that I had done so well all day and I wasn't about to mess it up with a snack that probably wouldn't taste as good as it sounded anyways.
Success!
I came home and before I could even sit back down I mentioned to Bella that we could take a stroller ride. (which is a run for us, ride for them) I did this because I knew she would jump all over it, and when you tell Bella something that she wants to do, you better back it up. As she is whiny over me taking to long to tie my shoes, I think wow Mom good job today, now go out and let that wild crazy mutt run your legs off.
The gang and I did a quick mile run and then they parted ways to go take baths while Meika and I continued on with our usual 2 miles. I ran part of the way and walked the remainder.

Feels good. One day in the pocket with choices accounted for and success for small steps.

Day 6 & 7 Lessons~ Place yourself in an uncomfortable situation sometimes to make yourself realize your potential. Running in the cool sprinkles of falling rain water is very refreshing.